The Choices We Make
by caws12
Summary: Does she hate him for what he did? Yes and no. See how Ryan and Alex fix their broken friendship/relationship
1. Chapter 1

Quantico:

Alex told herself that she wouldn't fool around with any boys while she was at Quantico, that was until Ryan.

…

"Guess it must be kind of boring the second time around." Alex spoke quietly.

"We didn't have a written exam when I went here."

"Oh. Just a practical on how to lie, manipulate and seduce."

"Look you asked me to leave you alone, and I did, You came over to talk to me, so which is it?"

"Why didn't you say no to Liam when he asked? Why didn't you tell me when you should have? And more importantly your job is done, what are you still doing here?"

"You think I want to be stuck in this room with you seeing how much it's killing you, I hate seeing what I did to you, almost as much I hate knowing you'll never look at me again the way I look at you." And with that Ryan walked away leaving Alex alone.

….

Alex couldn't stop thinking about what Ryan had said.

"….almost as much I hate knowing you'll never look at me again the way I look at you."

His words replaying over and over again in her mind. She whished that things could go back to normal. That she could walk into his room and kiss him. Knowing that he was leaving, leaving her, leaving Quantico, leaving what ever they had behind. Alex didn't want him to go but at the same time she did. What he did, she would never forgive, but she did. She forgave Ryan, she had a hard way of showing but she did. Alex didn't want to think, she just wanted to kiss Ryan. She wanted him to walk in and kiss her the way they had before, when nothing else mattered.

Alex walked out of her room. She stood in front of Ryan's room about to knock when the door suddenly opened to reveal Ryan.

"Thank god you're here."

Ryan pulled her into his room, when his door was shut his lips were on hers. Alex froze for a second before melting into his kiss. Ryan pushed her up against the wall her legs wrapped tightly around his hips. Clothing was thrown all around the room. With clothing gone, they were on Ryan's bed, kissing, hard. Alex didn't know why she was here but it felt right. It felt right to be under Ryan, with him kissing her as if there was no tommrow. It felt right to have his tongue in her mouth.

"Ryan!" Alex moaned into his mouth.

….

Alex woke the next morning in an Ryan's bed. His arm wrapped tightly around her. She was snuggled into his side, it felt right. She knew he was awake when he kissed her hair. Alex rolled to face him.

"Morning."

"Morning."

"Uh, so about last night…"

"I don't regret a thing."

"Me either."

"Do you have to leave."

"Not if you don't want me too."

"I don't want you too."

"Then I'm not going anywhere."

"Good." Alex spoke before starting to kiss him.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex sat in her room starring at her laptop screen. She couldn't focus on anything, no matter how hard she tried. Shelby had noticed.

"Alex."

No response.

"ALEX."

"What, sorry."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Alex...come on."

'What?"

"You just slept with Ryan and you act like that's nothing."

"I'm just thinking about stuff."

"About Ryan.."

"Maybe..."

"You are!"

"Relax Shelby, I've seen you make out with Caleb and I know your sleeping with him."

"I am not."

"Stop laying Shelby."

"Ok, fine."

"How was it?"

"How was what?"

"Sex with Caleb."

"…..Good….."

"Just good?"

"Fine, amazing. How was Ryan?"

"…..Fine…."

"Just fine…?"

"Fine, best sex I've had."

"That's what I thought."

"Shelby!"

…

"Alex grabbed her phone off the dresser and walked over to Ryan's room. She knocked before opening the door, what she saw on the other side was not what she was expecting. She was not expecting to see Ryan making out with Natalie.

"Uh….."

Ryan pulled away from Natalie, he wasn't expecting Alex to be standing there. Alex had tears in her eyes. She looked from Ryan to Natalie back to Ryan. She ran out of his room crying.

"ALEX…"

"Alex, come on talk to me."

Alex continued to walk away from Ryan. She ran outside before he finally caught up to her.

"Alex…."

…


	3. Chapter 3

"Alex, wait let me explain."

"What's there to explain."

"Nothing happened between me and Natalie."

"Sure."

"Alex…" Ryan grabbed her wrist and pulled her into him, kissing her hard. Alex so badly wanted to melt into his kiss but she didn't, she pulled away from Ryan. Ryan could see the tears in her eyes.

"Alex, you have to believe me, we didn't sleep together."

"Ryan, stop lying."

"Alex I'm not lying, we kissed, that's all."

"That looked like a lot more than just kissing."

"Alex look at me."

Alex looked up at Ryan tears still streaming down her face. Ryan wiped them away with his thumbs.

"I love you Alex, I made a mistake by kissing Natalie."

"Ryan, I love you but I don't know how much more I can take."

"What do you mean."

"I mean you lied to me minute we met."

"Alex, I didn't have a choice."

"Ryan…. You know what, I think this whole thing was a mistake"

"Alex, come on, let me explain."

"Ryan I don't want to hear it."

"Alex…."

Alex had already walked away from Ryan and was heading back to her room, she was praying Shelby was in Caleb's room.

When Alex opened her door she was relieved that Shelby wasn't there. She didn't want Shelby see her cry. She walked over to her bed and sat down. She always told herself at an early age that no boy was worth her tears, except that Ryan was. She had fallen hard for Ryan, but she didn't want to admit it. Alex didn't hear him come in, she only noticed he was there when he sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed Natalie. I love you Alex and I don't want to lose you."

"I love you too Ryan."

"I guess I'll see you tommrow."

Ryan got up to leave but Alex grabbed his wrist.

"Stay, Shelby's in Caleb's room, she won't be back until the morning."

"Ok."


	4. Chapter 4

Alex was woken up the by the 7am wake up call. Today was there last day before a three day weekend.

"There still gonna make us run at 7am the day before break."

"What do you expect it's Quantico." Shelby reminded her.

"True."

...

Alex stood under the hot spray of the shower. Her muscles ached. She was thinking about tonight, how she wouldn't be spending New Year's with the one person she wanted too. The last moments she spent with Ryan before he left for LA kept replaying through her mind.

"You asked me this morning, why I hadn't left yet."

"Yeah well, it's hard to go back to the real world I guess."

"This is my real world. I've kept this undercover this going for forever. I didn't want to leave you."

"I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who the real Ryan Booth is, what you did back there, I think I saw him."

"So what's next."

...

She didn't want to miss him, but she did. Like Natalie said, just call him. So she did. Alex heard ringing. She started walking towards the ringing, what she saw took her by surprise.

"Alex?"

Alex turned on her heel and left. She started to go upstairs but Ryan followed her.

"What, your wife lets you go into bathrooms with ex girlfiriends."

"She' not my wife, she's my ex wife."

"Were undercover.

'Your always undercover.'

"We're still friends. Look if you knew the whole story this wouldn't even be an issue with you right now."

"You did not just say if I knew the whole story."

"Alex, listen to me, everyone at HQ knows we work well as partners, so they assign us to an op., were married. And you told me to leave."

"I never told you to leave."

"Well you sure as hell didn't ask me to stay."

"I thought you were in Los Angles, If I knew you were 30 mins away, I would have..."

"You would have what? Then you would have asked me to stay? Alex you don't know what to do with me when I'm two feet away."

Ryan leaned don and kissed Alex. She pushed him back, not knowing if he was saying the truth or if he was lying to her again. She ran out of the bathroom and downstairs to grab her coat, it was nearing midnight and Alex just could be with him. She ran outside knowing Ryan was close behind her. She stood outside in the cold trying not to cry. Ryan ran outside, he ran down the front steps trying to find Alex before she disapered from his life forever. He looked to his left an then to his right finding her sitting on a bench. He sat down next to her. He pulled her into him.

"I'm sorry."

"For what, I'm the one who should apologize. I was being a bitch Ryan, I'm sorry."

"Your forgiven."

Alex chuckled. "Take the win."

Ryan chuckled back at her comment.

"Come on, lets get out of here." He spoke as he stood with his hand still in hers.


	5. Chapter 5

"Come on, lets get out of here." Ryan spoke as he stood with his hand still in hers.

"Ryan, you're undercover."

"I don't care."

"You should. What if something happens."

"Alex, I'm not going to lose you again."

"Ok, lets go."

...

Ryan was clearly trying to make the cab driver jealous with the way he was kissing Alex. They got to Quantico and immediately ran to Alex's room, she knew that Natalie, Shelby and Rhanya were stil at the party because she saw them staring at her through a window and smiling and making kissing face. Alex hoped that Ryan hadn't see that. Alex didn't know what was too come for her and Ryan but it didn't matter to Alex, she just wanted to be with him.

...

Two Months Later

When Alex heard about the second explosion she didn't think she just went. She didn't want to lose Ryan, she couldn't lose Ryan. She almost lost him once and she couldn't almost lose him again. Alex scanned the crowd looking for Ryan. When she found him she immediately ran over to him.

"RYAN!."

"Alex!."

"Thank god your okay! I was so worried about you." She spoke into his sholder.

"Hey, I'm okay."

"I thought I lost you." Alex spoke as she breathed in his scent.

"I'm fine. I'm right here, Alex. I won't leave you."

"I know but I almost lost you once and I can't almost lose you again."

"You won't ever lose me Alex." he spoke quietly before kissing her hair.

"Good, because I don't know what I would do without you."

"Come on, lets go."

Alex never left Ryan's arms. She liked having him hold her so close and for so long in public. She liked breathing in his cologne.

...

Alex laid in bed with Ryan. She was scared to death today that she would lose him and she couldn't. She didn't know how she would live with herself if Ryan were to die. She loved him too much to let him die. Ryan kissed her hair. She loved laying in his arms. She loved the way he held. she couldn't stop thinking about what happened today but slowly drifted of to sleep on Ryan's chest.


	6. Chapter 6

It was nearing the anniversary of her dad's death and all Alex could think about was what Ryan said to her.

*Flashback to Quantico*

"Guess you needed some fresh air too. Still don't feel like talking."

"My father was a special agent."

"I had no idea."

"Neither did I. For most of my life I just knew him as two men, the father I loved, who made me feel safe and the biter drunk that scared me so much that one night ... All my life I told myself that the second man was the real one, that the other one was a lie or an act. God I was so wrong.

Alex broke down.

"What are you talking about."

"He was a hero Ryan, he saved hundreds of lives, he was one of the most decorated agents in his twenty years at the bureau ... My mother didn't shoot him, I did. I killed a hero."

"Come here, come here. Shh." All Ryan could do was be there for her and he was being the best thing that ever happened to her.

*End of Flashback*

Alex didn't want to miss him but she did, she missed her dad but she couldn't stop thinking about him. She always thought the man that made her feel safe was the real man but she knew in her mind that the drunk was the real man she just didn't want to accept it.

Alex sat in her office at the new command center trying not to think about her father, but she couldn't stop the thoughts that were running through her mind. The memories of her dad from when she was younger. She was so spaced out that she didn't even notice when Ryan walked in.

"Alex?"

"Alex? ALEX?"

"Hmm, yeah what's up."

"Are you okay you have seemed distracted all day and you can't focus. So what's going on?"

"Hmm nothing. It's nothing. There's nothing to worry about, I'm fine Ryan. I really am."

"Alex you don't have to lie to me. Please. What's going on."

"Ryan, I'm fine."

"I didn't ask you if you were fine I asked you what's going on."

"Fine you really want to know."

"Yes Alex you shouldn't have to keep this from me. You don't have to for that matter."

"Ryan, what you said to me at Quantico, I can't stop thinking about it."

"About what?"

"My father's death anniversary is Friday."

"Ok."

"I can't stop thinking about it. I killed a hero Ryan."

"Ale, your dad was not a hero. He was a drunk who hurt countless people you have to believe me you did the right thing. If you hadn't shot him it could be you in the ground. You did what you had to do to keep you and your mom safe."


	7. Chapter 7

Alex knew that there was always the possabilty of Ryan getting sent undercover but she didn't think it would ever happen. She was terrified she couldn't almost lose him a third time. She didn't know what she would do if Ryan were to die. She couldn't just sit here while Ryan was getting ready to go undercover and leave her alone. Alex ran into Ryan's office.

"Ryan."

"Alex? What's up?"

"You sure you want to go to undercover again."

"It's not like I have much of a choice."

"Uh."

"Let me guess your worried that i'm gonna get hurt or worse."

"Noo."

"Alex I can tell when your lying. I will be fine. You have to believe me."

"I know."

"So this doesn't have anything to do with me going undercover with my ex wife."

"No. I'm just... I don't know why I'm worried I'll know you'll be fine. I need to stop worrying about you."

"Yeah you do."

"So I don't need to worry about you being undercover with your ex wife."

Ryan walked over to her and put his hands on her waist. "No, no you don't because nothing is going to happen there." He spoke quietly before leaning down and kissing her. Hannah didn't want to be jealous but she was. She was over Ryan but at the same time she wasn't. She missed him, she missed his lips pressed against hers, she missed his hands all over her, she missed the way he made everyone jealous with the way he kissed her. She knew that they were over but it still didn't feel any more real. She was happy for Ryan and Alex but she missed the way they were together. She missed going home with him. She could tell standing in his door that he really liked that girl and that she really liked him. Hannah continued to walk away from Ryan's office with the jealous feeling still in her chest.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been 5 out of the 6 months that Ryan was supposed to be undercover with Hannah. She believed Ryan when he said that nothing was going to happen between him and Hannah. She still did, it was just something about Hannah that rubbed Alex the wrong way. It was like Hannah still wasn't over Ryan. Alex didn't want to think about it. She looked up and immideatly took a double take. She quickly stood up and ran over to him.

"Ryan!" she spoke before he picked her up off the ground. Ryan put her down and kissed her.

"Oh my god I missed you so much Ryan."

"I missed you too."

"I thought you weren't supposed to be back for another month."

"We caught the guys and I thought you would be happy that I would be coming back earlier."

"I am. I missed you more than humanly possible."

"Ha. I missed you too."

Ryan pressed his lips against Alex and Alex quickly deepened the kiss. She pulled away before Ryan could slam her up against a wall and do her with everyone watching.

"Come on lets go home." Alex spoke after she caught her breath. Ryan put his arm around her waist as they walked out together.

Ryan was glad to be home with his girl.

Ryan was just happy to lie in bed with Alex. To be home with her and to be back at the job he loved. Ryan was happy to back at work. While he was undercover he noticed something was up with Hannah. She wasn't being herself, it was kind of like she was jealous of Alex, but our marriage was a mess from the start and we would have never been able to fix that. We should have known from the begginig that it would have never worked out. I mean we acted on instinct and we never thought about the future. We did the best we could with our marriage but it wasn't enough to fix what was already too broken.


	9. Chapter 9

Ryan was worried about Alex. He knew that everything would eventually catch up to her but he didn't think it would be that bad. Ryan had never seen Alex so rattled. Ryan was scared about what happened to Alex. He wondered who or what did this to Alex. Ryan was scared to death for Alex, he couldn't lose her.

"Hey you finally picked up."

"Alright I deserve that."

"how you doing?"

"I'm not sure, I wanted to say i'm sorry for last night. I'm sorry about everything I've put you through the past few months."

"Hey, you don't ever have to apologize to me."

"Can I at least say thank you. Thank you for coming to Simon's today Ryan. Thank you for always being there for me no matter what."

"I didn't come to Simon's for you, I did that for me, I needed to see that you were okay with my own eyes."

"I'm not but I will be. Maybe with time, the right help."

"The bureau has people."

"I know, I left a message. I wanted yours to be the last voice I hear tonight."

"The feeling is mutual. Do you even remember life before those bombs went off?"

"I remember everything."

"So do I."

"Goodnight Alex."

"Night Ryan."

Alex wished that Ryan was with her. That she could curl up into him. She loved the way he made her feel, safe, protected, cared for, loved. Ryan was all she could ever ask for and more. She just hoped he felt the same way about her. He did Ryan felt the exact same way about Alex. He was her world and all he ever cared about. He loved her so much.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been two weeks since Alex told Ryan that they were a bad fit and she whished that she hadn't told Ryan anything. She whished that it was just a dream, but no it was real life. As she sat in bed she couldn't help but think about what a horrible mistake she had made. Alex heard the water shut off and got up and went into the bathroom. When she opened the door, Drew had his head bent over the sink. Alex snuck up behind him and she snuck her hands up his bare torso making him jump. Drew turned around to face her, Alex moved her hands to behind his neck. He kissed Alex and she kissed him back, she couldn't help but think she was betraying Ryan. She enjoyed being with Drew but it wasn't the same as being with Ryan. Before she reliazed it, Drew had pushed her up against the wall and was pulling her shirt over her head. Alex ran her hands though his hair and they kissed. While they were kissing all Alex could think about was Ryan, She could only think about the times they shared in the bathroom. Oh how she missed walking in on him. She missed seeing him everyday, it was like part of her was missing and she didn't know what to do about it. She felt bad about using Drew but she thought it would help her feel better but it didn't it only made her feel worse like Drew was a rebound from Ryan.

"TRAINEE'S" Liam shouted from the hallway.

"Ugh, Liam always ruining the moment." Drew chuckled at her comment. He kissed her once more before walking out of her room.

*****  
Alex didn't know that Liam had asked Ryan to come back and help him teach. She also didn't know that he was already back at Quantico and she also didn't know that he was watching Drew make out with her in the hallway in front of Liam's office. He left Liam's office and what Ryan saw took him by surprise. Ryan didn't think Alex would move on so quickly.

"Alex?" Ryan asked. Alex quickly pulled away from Drew.

"Ryan! What are you doing here?"

"Liam asked me to help him teach."

"Oh."

"I see you two have a lot to catch up on. I check on you later." Drew kissed her goodbye.

"I see you haven't missed me that much." Ryan spoke.

"Hey, that's not fair. I think about you everyday."

"I see you moved on quickly."

"Yeah...No...I'm still in love with you Ryan but I was too scared to admit it. I still am."

"Really, then why are you making out with other trainee's."

"Hey, you left and went undercover."

"Well you didn't try to stop me did you?"

"I didn't know what I wanted but I now I realize that I want you."

"Prove it then."

Alex pulled Ryan and kissed him. Ryan kissed her back.

"Does that prove it to you."

"Yeah." He quickly grabbed Alex and pulled her into his ne office. He shut all the blinds and shut his door. He pulled Alex into him and kissed her. He laid her down on his desk. Alex quickly started to undo the buttons on his shirt. Ryan moved don to her neck. At the end of the second hour Ryan had Alex moaning out his name in pleasure.

*****  
'I missed you so much Alex."

"I missed you too Ryan."

They kissed before Alex headed back to her dorm and Ryan back to his apartment.


	11. Chapter 11

Alex couldn't think straight. She could only think about Ryan's mouth roaming her body. She felt awful that she couldn't shake those thoughts from her mind. She kept going back and forth between Drew and Ryan. She loved them both and she couldn't keep this up forever. She just didn't know where her head was at.

"Parrish, I'll see you in my office after class." Ryan spoke.

"You wanted to see me."

"Yeah I did."

"So, what's up."

"We need to talk about us."

"Ok?"

"Alex, I know your still with Drew."

"OH, I just haven't had the heart to tell him that we slept together and I also don't know how I feel. I don't know if your going to leave me again."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ryan you left without a second thought on us and I tried to call you and I found out from your Ex-wife that you were sent undercover. Who by the way hates me because we have been sleeping together."

"Wait what did Hannah tell you. Alex, I thought about you, us, all the time. You were always on my mind."

"all she said was that she knew what we had been doing and that I hurt you. And I couldn't help but think she was right. I did hurt you and I hate myself everyday for that." Alex said as tears streamed down her face.

"Hey, don't listen to Hannah. I love you Alex and that is never going to change but eventually you have to choose, you have to choose between me and Drew because your eventually going to have to make a decision."

"I know and I love you too and I feel horrible because I have been cheating on Drew and when we first leapt together I felt even worse because I didn't want him to be your rebound. I'm still trying to figure things out but I know I want to be with you but if I end things with Drew now he will get suspicious. You just have to give me some time to figure how I want to handle the situation."

"Ok, you know I will support you no matter what.


	12. Chapter 12

Alex was sitting on her couch nursing the scotch in her hand. She was tired and her head as pounding but she couldn't force herself to go to sleep this early, epically on a Friday night. She knew everyone in the office was likely at some bar getting drunk. AS she sat there thinking a memory kept replaying through her head.

*Flashback to Quantico*

"I think were dancing."

"Oh, one of us is."

"Haha... Come here." Alex put her arms around Ryan's neck and they were mere inches apart.

*End of Flashback*

Alex missed being able to put her arms around Ryan's neck. She missed when there mouths were inches apart and that within seconds Ryan could capture her lips in a sweet kiss. She missed the feeling of his strong hands wrapped around her waist and maybe traveling a little bit farther down than they should have. Alex smiled at the memory, she smiled remembering that, that was a time when there was no pressure or differences keeping them apart. Alex was pulled from her thoughts when she heard knocking on her door. She looked through the peep hole and her smile grew when she saw who was on the other side. Alex stepped back and pulled the door open to reveal no one other than Ryan Booth.\

"Hi." Ryan spoke in his soft voice.

"Hey."

The two stood in silence for a long time before Alex stepped aside opening her door wider to allow Ryan to come in.

Ryan turned to face Alex.

"I can't stop thinking about you." He spoke quietly.

"I can't stop thinking about you either."

Nothing more needed to be said. Ryan stepped towards Alex and captured her lips in a sweet kiss. His lips tasted like scotch which made her want him more. She kissed him back. Ryan ran his tongue along her lips begging for her to open her mouth. Alex let her mouth fall open and she felt Ryan's tongue roaming her mouth and damn did it feel right. He was warm n her mouth and it felt right for him to be there. Neither of them wanting to pull apart but the need for oxygen was too great. Their lips separated and Ryan rested his forhead against Alex's. When they both regained their breath Ryan spoke first.

"This shouldn't feel so right."

"But it does." Alex panted.

Needing the feeling of his lips against hers, Alex lifted her lips and met his in a strong kiss. He quickly deepened the kiss. Alex pulled the jacket of his sholders, then removing his suit coat. She started on the buttons of his shirt, pushing it off his back. Ryan moved his hands down her waist and pulled the shirt over her head, their lips parting for a nanosecond but it was too long. Alex met his lips again. She moved her hands down his very toned stomach stopping when she felt the scar from when he took a bullet for her. She moved her hands again. Her hands reached his belt buckle. She quickly undid it and started on the zipper to his pants. Ryan did the same to her before picking her up and carrying her to her bed where he laid her down. His lips traveled down her neck and body.

Ryan pulled her jeans down and she did the same thing with his dress pants. It wasn't long before Ryan had Alex moaning out his name as he thrust in and out of her.

Ryan pulled out of Alex and fell onto his back. He covered them both with the blankets on her bed before pulling her into his side and kissing her neck and sholders.

They both fell asleep on eachother's arms having not felt this good in a long time.


End file.
